the marionette's
romance

“ If God is for us , who can be against us . ”

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010



After all the things that had happened , I realised , the worst decisions are usually made out of anger , confusion or pressure .
This is especially worse for someone like me , who is mad fickle-minded .
Thus , I've learnt not to make any decisions at all at that moment , take a step back to observe the entire situation , give it some thought , perhaps pray , then see how it goes . And lastly of course , let nature then take its course .

The above picture is self-explanatory enough .
And it's rather applicable to my post for today .

Taking a butterfly as happiness , for example .
It's as if I've been trying to catch this butterfly in a rugged and bumpy place , causing me to hurt myself in the process of it .
The more I tried to catch it , the more I hurt myself . What a killer butterfly .
Knowing that it would be better if I didn't chase it anymore , I settled down and relax . Somehow , I gave up , although my mind was still on it .
True enough , the butterfly flew towards me . It rest with me and I was contented .
Just at this moment another butterfly caught my eye , however , I didn't want to chase it because it took me so much to get the previous butterfly to finally settle down with me .
Due to overwhelming temptation , I shoo-ed the second butterfly away .
After sometime , I realised that the second butterfly would be a much better one , but I am too afraid to go catch it .

Okay , my so-called and totally failed parable is so anti-climax and nonsensical to an extent I might not even understand it myself .
Forget it ! I'm doing this for the sake of keeping good blogging habits .


Butterflies ? I should just get out of this and move to a more fruitful path . ;D




Yes , how ironic things can get .
I suppose irony happens all around us in life , I have no idea why .
And I like irony ! Because it's like , so abnormal ! I love weird things ; unique .

26th . You guys may know that this date is of great significance to me .
So things were rather depressing and such but I wouldn't elaborate on it because it's unnecessary .

You're waiting for a train .

A train that will take you far away .

You can't be sure where it will take you .

But it doesn't matter , because we'll be together .

Do you remember when you told me that you would love me forever ? Then you break it to me that it was the past .
Guess what I've learnt along the way , forever exist only after death .
The past few days , I've been struggling between dreams and reality .

I thought that I was really happy , until the night falls . That's when depression spirals into me .
Then I thought , am I really living in denial ? That I'm actually not happy at all ?
Well , it's true , I'm not all that happy although I feel that I'm really that happy ? Okay , a little .. Contradicting .

Then I thought , everything seems like a never-ending nightmare , I refused to believe that it's reality .
Sometimes , I really treat my horrible life as a nightmare .
And the only way to wake up from your dream ? Is to die , in your dream .
Maybe , if I die , I'll finally wake up from this nightmare . And yes , I can perhaps see your forever fulfilled .
Maybe , you'll love me like how you really did .

26th is coming soon . And amusingly yet sadly , we have never celebrated it before .
HAHAHA . Madloves .

I feel a little twisted . I am chasing after a dream that I'll definitely find myself waking up from .
Why do I still choose to chase after this dream ?
Well , it could be because it's the best I've ever had .


Up till now ? Being a little numb , I can tell you , this love I have for you ?
Well , it can be forever .


I AM STUPID !!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!! And I wanna die before your eyes .



Hello . Today I'm a happy girl because I had an awesome day ! :)
Woke up , felt weird in a good way and ate wholemeal bread ! Awesome start of the day !
Then rushed down to cine for Inception and OMG the movie was so fucking nice !!!
I shall totally blog about it some other day because I'm talking to Clare on the phone now and she ripped me away from my inspirations !
So , my blogpost will be rather boring but nevertheless I shall still blog because it's a good habit .
Then I realised I ate a lot today !! Popcorns , crabstick , few best fries forever , few spoons of frolicks , KFC porridge , yakult . OMG . For the whole day .
BUT I AM HAPPY . It's been long since I've fellowshipped . And I had a totally fruitful time , even revelations from Qiming !! :)
Totally awesome dayyyy .


Back to the quote of my life . Live loving . Love living .
I shall upgrade my life all over again . Improvise ! :)




It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time .
I want you , but I'm not giving in this time .

I don't even know what do I love about you , perhaps , it was because of who I was when I was with you .
This time , I am letting go of you once and for all , no matter how much it hurts me . The harshest and fastest way to end this misery .

The truth is , my life will not change , in fact , it'll be better without you .
I would have held on if I knew my worth .

Anyway , you're not the old you . You dont love me as much as you did . You dont treat me like how you did . You disappoint me everyday . Your words are all empty . You break all your promises .
I have lost all the reasons to be with you . I had nothing wrong with you , I could make every exception , but it's how you treat me . I am tired of this .


Goodbye to you . I will not be soft-hearted anymore .



I've learnt to be heartless . Why ? Because if you have a heart , it'll only be broken .
How foolish of me to actually be compassionate . Well , the stupidest mistake I've made was to love you . FUCK MY LIFE .

You liked me first , be nice to me , made me love you and then dumped me .
All you gave me was shit . You shit all over my life , my entire life was ruined . Of course , I can't blame you , I'd have to blame it on my stupidity . It's not as if I don't know that being with you was wrong .

I sacrificed my entire life to be with you , and all I get in return was shit .
You dumped me , and after I got together with someone else , you wanted me back . How amusing . Once again , I was stupid enough to let go of someone better than you for you . Blame it on myself , why the fuck did I love you wholeheartedly ?
And I was fucking naive to believe that you would actually treat me better . Well , you did , for a couple of days . I had to swallow your rubbish the rest of the time . Foolishly let you hurt the fuck out of me .

All you think about is yourself . So fucking selfish . But that's your character anyway , love is nothing to you . Image , friends , fun or rubbish are all way more important than me .
You want me , but you don't want to commit . And then you claim that you love me , which is utterly bullshit .

I'm a fucking burden to you anyway . Burden that you need to go to school for me , that you need to spend time with me , which you don't .
Well , you're free now . ;)

This is the end . End of us .
I had enough of your fucking nonsense . It's your character .
I'd rather choose an instant death than to experience slow death . It's your attitude and character that's killing me .


I will forget about you . I will be heartless . I won't love again . I would rather be lonely than be with you again . FUCK YOU VERY MUCH BITCH .
Thanks for nothing .



When I was younger everything seemed different . Like more magical , big , adventurous , mysterious and whatsoever .
I didn't understand why there was a need to switch off the television , lights , fan or close the refrigerator when there wasn't a need for it , I always got scolded without knowing the proper reason until I grew older . My mentality was that electricity would still be used when it's on .

Due to childlike innocence , I used to believe in nearly everything people say , well , naive . Like when I looked out of my window and see those cargo thingy and asked my grandpa what it was , he said that they were giraffes and I happily believed it until I was primary 3 . Though I felt very blessed for a fact that I do not need to visit the zoo just to see giraffes . (They really looked like giraffes..) *look is past tense .
I used to think that cotton candy , soft toys , cushions and such were made of the clouds in the sky . I believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy . Unfortunately I was made to believe that ghost exist and I still do .
Fortunately enough as well , I believed that God exist , only when I was young , I portrayed God as Buddha , GuanYin and Jesus . -.-

There were also many things that I used to not understand . Then I was always dying to know why or how or what , etc.. In kindergarten , I asked my friend why was he called ahbunehneh and he got really sad .
Of course now , I do wish that at times I can get back the 'misunderstanding' in certain areas in life . In lay man's term , simple-minded . Not absent-minded .
Oooh ! And I remembered I could forget about negative things easily , like , nothing to worry about !

And also , I could turn nearly anything into an adventure ! With little knowledge of the outside world , everything seems to be a mystery .
And I would imagine all sorts of rubbish . Ohoh ! And I loved to play pretend . (Y)

How I wish I was much younger again...
Innocence.. Before I was exposed to this worn out , broken and cruel world .


If I had a choice , I'd choose not to love . Because it's so fucking painful . FUCK LOVE .



Hello .

Today I had an awesome day because you treat me right .
You made it a point to come to school and even lost sleep for it .
Not only that , you finally paid more attention to me !
I can see every little effort you make and it makes me smile .

Today I feel happy . Really very happy .
As if my life is perfect ! :)

<3 - This means love , and simple maths shows that it means lesser than three .
Meaning there'll be no third party in our relationship , only the two of us .
We'll keep holding on to each other till the end okay ?

And this time , I am gonna hold you so f-king tight because I really cannot afford to lose you again .
Sorry if I've intruded your privacy today..... ;x ! I'm making a public apology dangsin ! My pride is not as important as you , but of course not to an extend that I should be shameless . Bleah .
And I wont let anything affect our relationship ! :@ , not even myself !

I cannot lose you . CANNOT .


And I've been maligned by a lot of people recently . Mad sickening .





I thought that it'd be better , but that move I made caused me to smother myself .
That's when I realised , I can't live without you . Yah , that dramatic .
I felt really really horrible . Like OMG !! :'(

Why is it like this ? Where I am really sucks .
Will you rather be lonely or be with your boyfriend without his attention ?
I hate that I need you so fucking much .


Many hilarious things are happening around me and gosh , I feel like I've slacken . Which is bad . Ignorance please Zoe !
You know , we are like people of different frequency ? I doubt you can understand what I'm laughing at .

You know , I'm like freaking tempted now to post and elaborate on little jokes I'm witnessing . As well as counter everything back . But no , this means I'm taking something that doesn't affect me as regard . NO WAY MAN .
And ohwell , I also dont want to be an abomination or sow discord or whatsoever .
FuckyeahPEACE !! ^^v


I'm loving beebee maximumz !! I'm a happy girl ! :D
And OMG I feel like eating again . OMG .


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road



Dear 26 .

26th . That's the date when we accepted each other , officially , for falling in love . Also when everything went haywire in my life .
When it all started . When you asked me to be your gan bibi . -_-
We didn't officially got into a relationship , but , it's complicated . Others wouldn't be able comprehend where we were .
I still remember the date when I first kissed you . On the 29th at the chalet , accidentally . The moment our lips touched I ran away , like OMG , mad embarrassing .

Ohwell , we have a lot of memories .


The first 26th wasn't celebrated , but we were obviously madly in love with each other .
We went through quite a lot together . When the entire world was against us . Remember ? When literally everything wanted to tear us apart , we just kept holding on .

The second 26th was an entire downcast .
Around this period of time , I was giving you a hell lot of rubbish . Being disappointed and such . Drama .

The third 26th didn't happened , a day ago you abandoned me .
Well , all I could do was cry and be suicidal .

The fourth 26th was still very depressing .

So is the fifth 26th .
You love someone else . I thought I kinda got over you but I nearly died upon hearing that you got together with her .

The sixth 26th and I still wanted you back badly .
On the way , your love got together with me .

The seventh 26th . I joked about it because I've got together with someone else .
Nevertheless , it still affects me .


Recently , we patched .
I can NEVER forget you . Or rather , not remember you in the daily things that I did .
From how I blogged , it's as if we're in some sort of emo love . Seems that way .
Despite ALL of that , we came back to each other . Which shows that the foundation of our love was deep , strong and real .
We have gone through so much , against all odds .
Our love has been put to a test . No , many tests .


So let's keep on keeping on . Loving each other fervently .
Please please please please please don't leave me again .
And hold onto me tightly .


Now , it's chapter 2 . This is how I love you .
The eighth 26th is coming in 16 more days ! ;)





Service yesterday was great ! :)

Hello . I love you . I have never felt so shitty in my life before . Thank you love . -'-



I have got nothing to say . Nothing .
Not the first time anyway .
I don't have to do anything .
I lead my life .

Thumbs up ! All I want to do is laugh .

;) , swing swing from the tangles of . My heart is crushed by a former love .