the marionette's
romance

“ If God is for us , who can be against us . ”

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010

IM SORRY I MADE U ALL ANGRY.
I CANT TAKE THIS.
I REALLY CANT.
U ALL TRIED TO HELP ME BUT I CANT EVEN HELP MYSELF.
BUT THE ONLY FUCKING PROBLEM IS I DUN HAVE THE COURAGE TO END THIS.

it's lyke im nt a swimmer in a deep & huge pool dat it hardly possible 4 ani1 tu enter.
im drowning, u all tried tu save mi by throwing lots of floats.
u all throw & throw, & u r all exhausted.
but no matter how much u all throw, i wasnt able tu catch it depise trying tu swim towards it.
inside de pool, im desperately finding a wae out, trapping water & swimming tirelessly.
sumtymes i was able tu catch sum floats but dey were onli able tu keep mi afloat awhile.
i keep finding myself back in de pool dat i cn nbr get out.

haiyo~

todae skul felt abit faster. ^^
but den i broke fast[pei avril eat chicken rice], taboleh tahan larhhs.
den todae i whole dae sibei sian. i felt rlli low lorhhs.
seriously todae in a damndamn bad mood.

life w/o "happy tymes" is damn bloody slow.
meet simin & her fwenb wib diana.
den met mich meii. den after dat is lewen kor & charles.
HAHAHA!! hi
xinghao nw u no need worri so much le cuz simin find charles damn kyutte. =.=
den sharon meii arhhs, dun do dis tu urself le, damn nt worth, i totally understand how u feel. i same family problems as u. ^^

den i dunno whad happen le, but simin veri good, she pei mi all de wae.
i rlli cnt control, todae i feel lyke dying. i feel lyke my past. i hate it. i rllirllirlli fucking hate it.
dat lj life i had was horrible, & is still currently kns.
& nbcb i starting tu dun lyke yq le cuz he alwaes bo dai bo ji ki chey daiji. he gum pua honggan lorhhs. but i'll still TRY MY BEST tu help him if need lorhhs.

den i crazy lyke cb at dere, simin dunno whad she do but i dun rmb.
den went tuition saw errol.
siansation 4 todae. :(

i need tu rlli find dat peace & happiness.



T_T

i dunno whad tu do.
i keep hab dat urge tu do those stupid things.
now im bcuming an idiot/retard.
i lag in everiting i do.

i was high, den i slowly wake up in reality finding myself toking tu yaozhong. =.=
dey all care abt mi but i let dem down.
i dint noe dey will do so much, yet.....
i noe if i die tings will get muchmuchmuch worse.
i oso noe dat God will make a way.
why do i do such stupid tings?? T_T

i rlli wan2 feel dat high, is rllirlli v nice.
i noe how i changed.
alcoholic, den i quit but took up smoking.
smoker, den i began tu feel dull & cutcutcut.
cutting & smoking, i stopped cutting cuz i felt better after going church.
cutter, i decided tu quit smoking den i took up glue.
boongum den drug addict....... whad's next is death. i noe.

yes, i noe i shud stop. but tu walk dat road is rlli v hard.
i noe im nt walking alone.
but, i dun even hab dat courage tu walk. it's a tough journey.
whad's more, i'll b walking wib an injured leg.
i hab fwen tu support mi on de wae, but im tuu nt determined tu walk.
why?
cuz im rlli happi wib de stupid tings im doing. i loved those feeling when im high.
im a coward, i dun dare tu face reality.
i noe if i die, whr im going is eternal.

i rlli wan2 change, but juz when im abt tu start, SO MANI THINGS dere pulled mi back.
i cnt even start.
i noe i cn crawl, start wib baby steps. i'd lyke dat tuu.
however, dere's nt enuf tyme.
im juz a few steps awae tu gals home if i continue.

if onli i cn take an aeroplane tu cross dat road.
but i noe, dere will b no planes, taxi or such. i muz walk.


after i heard whad yaozhong said, i felt, i muz rllirlli move on.
& nt continue tu slide back.
i looked at de road, it feels lyke walking up a nbr ending down escalator wib spikes & ppl dat will push mi down.

BUT, IF IM DETERMINED TU CLIMB UP, DERE'S B SUMTHING GOOD.
BUT, IF I JUZ STAE DERE, DE ESCALATOR WILL MOVE DOWNDOWNDOWN UNTIL ...............


now, it's all up tu mi.
why is making dat decision so tough, im thinking abt it until my head wan2 burst.
seriously BURST! :(

God my Saviour will help. ^^
i noe.

blahblahblahhs~~

todae skul damn sian.
seriously, i nt feeling well but dint care much cuz i think is boongum de side-effects larhhs.
den i wan2 lausai, cb de 4th floor toilet no toilet paper de den i ran tu 3rd floor den sibei scary, i seriously chua sai larhhs, halfwae gt weirdweird things de..

den during class dunno y at de same tyme so mani ppl sms mi den i take out fone den kena confiscated but nbm larhhs. i dun gib a damn. whole dae in skul juz bad mood. den defiance lorhhs. :/

den siansian cab-ed home wib diana, ms latifa quite good. she let us take cab 1st. ^^
cuz we were carrying alot of books.

den went tu safra dere meet lewen kor. JJ, maykuan & yanling cnt come T_T
took breaks.
boon alot of ___, 4bags i thinks.
de 2hrs felt lyke few min. i see alot of things larhhs. still gt ppl come out frm forest buy frm mi things. juz super seh & high. it was a nice feeling.

den went home pretent tu slp. xD

todae act sick cuz of ytd.
den anihow outside.
tried marlboro red & marlboro ice mint tgt.
SUCKS MAN.
damn weird lorhs de thing. feels er xin.

den went tu dover 4 nth.
pei huii & JJ go bugis buy clothes.

i wan2 high~~
kor dun addict :(
i noe it's addictive. i wan it now tuu.

woooots.

todae skul gumpua sian arhhs!
chinese tcher damn guai lan, alwaes starestarestare.
i sae kua lanpa arhhs! den she make so much noise. xialan kia.

den after skul go take a break wib lewen kor, charles, glenn & cedric. aiseh~~
i seriously taboleh tahan siol. rlli wan2 vomit, de feeling is de worst larhhs.
cedric smoke damn funni lorhhs, we tell him suck liaos den take a breath in den out. den he open his mouth all de smoke come out. =.=

den went home change & came out.
bought ___. den went tu meet lewen & charles at safra dere.
den finally go tu 1 block dere boon until high. cuz i careless den need buy summore. :x
den is lyke i feel lyke eating chili lorhhs, den suddenly lyke black & white, den de wall move in & out, lyke boomboomboom. o.o
lyke nt in reality(i cnt stand reality), lyke in lalaland. den i my head shakeshakeshake but i lyke nt moving, den i saw my hair moving tu de techno beat. den gt abit floating, 4 awhile nia.
took dunno how mani breaks.

after nt so seh den bus-ed tu tiong den mrt tu dover meet isaiah, ernest, simin & jeddi.
slacked awhile den go home. xD act guai sae go dere study. :x

sry gan steady. T_T i rlli wan2 die.

IM BLESSED I SURVIVED, OR ELSE I SONGKA LIAO LOHHS.
IT WAS A CHANCE TU LIVE.
GOD'S BLESSING.

IM TURNING GOOD. xD

fuck dae.

waseh~
todae damn suay lorhhs, i smoke my last stick den kena caught by some police dat left his warrant card at home. =.=
den i was dragged tu skul, maybe i cn go find new skul le.

after dat i went tu de band concert wib meijuan, fird, diana, dione, maykuan, xinghao, michelle, boonpeng, weiling, ally, bryan & jiarong.
den we in de concert damn noisy. we purposely during de slow part clap our hands v fast tu gib dem wrong beat, den we keep shouting avril & mingjie de name. den we did alot of funni actions lyke sway our arms during de fast parts & shake our head lyke listening tu techno or metal during de slow parts.
den ms chia go scold us. but de idiot xinghao keep over dere make mi laugh lorhhs.

dat thing over we[same ppl] & shanice decided tu eat supper.
fuck lorhhs, i pretended tu jump intu de mrt track when de mrt coming den de whole mrt "BBEEEEEEEPPPPP!!!" damn fucking cb loud larhhs! den de mrt stopped dere. fuck lorhhs. I UNTIL NOW STILL TRAUMA!!
cn chua sai arhhs.

den went home & chat wib enyun & wanyi.
now chatting wib huii, JJ & mich meii. xD

haiish..

i cnt sae my life is boring, everidae i hab things tu tok abt.
i oso cnt sae my life is wonderful, in fact it's painful.
i live my life feeling dull, exhausted, miserable but nt tu dat extend.

todae skul sux as usual, i hab tu endure so long of de skul hrs.
it's damn miserable, i admire those ppl dat dun hab a chance tu go skul.
while chatting wib maykuan, i suddenly rmb all de bad things dat happened dis yr.
i rmb de breakdown of my life as well.
i rmb i gt a broken family all cuz of mi.
i rmb my family blames mi 4 nearly everi downfall dat happened.
i rmb i was tuu afraid tu jump of de building.
i rmb i disappointed everi1 i noe.
i rmb my mum gone mad cuz of mi.
i rmb im sure a failure & loser in my life.
i rmb de fwens i took 4 granted.
i rmb my meii & kor hab bad tymes & i cnt do anithing.
i rmb i break alot of ppl heart.
i rmb im selfish, onli think abt myself.

minji used tu b my best fwen as well, i gt disappointed 4 no reason & lost her.
ben used tu b my best cheerful gan di, i gt angry 4 no reason & lost him.

my meii is facing prob i so useless cnt help.
my kor hab prob i oso useless cnt help. he sae alot of rubbish on de fone.
he's going tu a farfar place on a holidae & might nt b back, he told mi no matter whad muz take good care of michelle meii & study hard & stop smoking. x.x

i felt de dae had onli been abt dis, den i ate dinner wib diana & mk den went home.
scolded again as usual. 4 no fucking reasons.

haiish

ytd nite i whole nite cnt slp.
i feel so tensed up. is "those" feeling.

den i nbr go skul, morning i go find JJ kor.
den he pei mi go see doctor den we go mac suppose tu celebrate avril's bdae but whole thing bcum messy.
i fake i v emo den she rush tu mac but den in de end she angry. =.=
but after dat ok le cuz she noe we still wan2 celebrate bdae 4 her.
den went off tu find michelle meii, she & jj den thing i dunno.
i felt dat she v v sad, she cry. :(
im a useless sister. T_T
but i v touched by JJ de sms. ^^
oso gt enyun de sms. ^^

recently i v lowlowlow, except de tyme i chat wib sharon meii, she damn cute.
we chat until high until cnt slp. xD
i wan2 die, but i tuu scare tu face death. T_T


y m i so useless?
i gt try but ppl sae i try nt hard enuf.
i disappoint everi1 i noe.
im better off dead.

my tian!

todae so happii, but at de same tyme sad.
i so happii ally felt de presence ofGod at our cell grp meeting. it was her 1st tyme & she felt it liaos.
den i took a break wib simin again.
i cnt seem tu quit, i gt abit moody oso bcuz of having onli 1.
den i eat dinner wib dem den suddenly lyke sad sad but i tried tu b high lorhhs, den cn le.

den i dunno whad..

aniwae,
HAPPII BDAE AVRIL!!
MY DARLING 4EVA. ^^





ytd go kbox sing lyke siao lian superstar!
wahahaha!! jk larhhs, qi ming & mi sing horrible. :x
den jingyuan, weiren, enyun, felinda, victoria, yaozhong sing quite nice.
caspia & de new gal nbr sing. :(
den i halfwae taboleh tahan, go take a break.
den i came back, enyun ask i go chou yan, den she sae dun lie de smell damn strong.
haiish, is i cnt tahan whad, den i go again. :x
den dunno y feel lyke puking. :o
den felinda toked tu mi all de things lyke listen tu ur mum all dat. yarhhs, den i listened.

den i go purmei meet mich meii.
slacked awhile den go home. wlau, she keep sae i pervert den she oso PERVERT!! ask how tu pcc. :x OOOOPS.
den went home chat on de fone longlong.

okok.

todae went tu clementi police station wib minji, dere v sian de.
she look lyke szb cuz she abit drenched. xD
so much nonsense. i dun gib a damn.
in fact i dun rmb whad happen larhhs!

minji damn cute, SHE GOING CHURCH ON SAT! I DAMN DAMN DAMN HAPPY!!
den i rush off tu ernest hse. wooooots!
de cell grp ppl dere all damn hyper fun & good!! i love dem larhhs.
den we plae-ed alot of things & i did abit of my homework wib de help of enyun & caspia.
den we sing alot of oldies songs. hahaha!
dat was damn fun cn?! lyke lemon tree, yue liang dai biao wo de xing, yi ren yi ban, all de old songs!
den we all so hyper!!
i oso went 2 take a break wib shimin. :x
all of dem rocks cn!! i juz had fun!

lovesx33


*i dun gib a damn abt ben. jovian kor told mi is ben sae wrong. who cares.

wheeeeeeeee!!

ytd damn fun.
all i rmb was i went tu church wib michelle!
& whad a blessing wanyi cn come lorhhs!
den i got tougues, sumhow frm michelle!!!
de church service was great but den halfway i got scare. dunno y.
den i nbr pay attention. :x
den after dat i went tu de rooftop tu eat den dey prayed 4 my tougues.
weiren said sumhow i got it!!! dat was when i notice i did de same when michelle was praying in tougues!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

i dun wan2 rmb bad things, all i noe is God will make a way.
resist all temptation!!

haha, den i went tu central wib wanyi as my mum wan2 make her eyebrows. =.=
den wanyi & i walked ard lyke idiots den i wan2 eat ice-cream.
i wan2 treat wanyi but she sae she share wib mi.
den we dunno eat whad ice-cream, wanyi sae she wan special & unique flavour den i saw sea salt! o.o
our 1st reaction was "eeeeeee" but we still go try, den it was DAMN DELICIOUS! lyke so high!
it is salty & sweet. v hard tu explain. is a fucking good flavour lorhhs. SERIOUS.

den went home. xD

OMG!!

ytd was damn wild larhhs!
1st i go tiong den sian wib JJ, mich meii, maykuan & weiling. den weiling go off den xinghao came den JJ went tu get beer & sorts. things start tu get more fun cuz xinghao damn funni larhhs!
den went tu tuition sign name 1sec come out den settled prob wib lunching ppl. xD

after dat we went tu tiong baruh park tu party!
dere were JJ kor, hui, mich meii, xinghao meii, maykuan meii, meijuan mama, firdaus, minji & cherying. minji & cherying onli came awhile.
den i drink drink drink non-stop. we oso smoked. den i go sit de merry go round den spin spin spin. i started tu seh. i cnt walk steadily. i wan2 walk straight but dunno y i walk tu de side. den i juz felt damn high but i nt sure whad happened. den i keep see-ing meijuan & firdaus kissing but meijuan keep saying NO. den i rmb i fly off de merry go round & i oso rmb dat i felt de merry go round spinning but no one was spinning it. i rlli rlli rlli had a great tyme larhhs! den i lie somewhere. den dunno whad happen. i wake up i at home liaos.
den i tio kan lyke fucking shit. if im nt wrong i vomited alot. :x & den i gt headache.

OMG THE BEST TIME LARHHS! DEAD DRUNK!

IM A PERVERT.
SORRY.


meii sae she got a pervert jiejie dat alwaes lyke tu molest her. =.=
o, i got a new kor, jovian. ^^
ben tell jovian i his meii, so fucked up.
skool sux as usual. FUCK SKOOL, FUCK LIFE.
i hate so mani things 4 now.